News » Annemieke's Memorial
Annemieke's Memorial
On October 11, 2010, somewhere between 1:00 and 1:10 my beloved wife Annemieke passed away. She was only 35 years old and leaves behind not only me, but our two year old son Tim as well.
Some five years ago, she had a melanoma on her right knee. This was removed and the gatekeeper glands were excised. All with good result, with no indication that some tumor cells were left behind in the body.
By the end of August she discovered a small lump (9mm) under the skin in the area of the right armpit. This didn't look too bad, but we went for a full examination anyway. First it was discovered that this was a metastase from the earlier melanoma. Further investigations showed that she had metastases throughout the body. At that time there were no other indications that something was wrong (no swelling of glands).
Two weeks later she was hospitalized because of fluid retention the the bowels. She spent one and a half week in the hospital. Then she was almost two weeks at home, after which she was hospitalized again due to obstipation and anemia (caused by chemotherapy). Four days after that she died from metastases in the lungs. At the time I was sleeping next to her on another hospital bed. She passed away peacefully in her sleep.
The whole process has been well documented on the Internet. I needed to talk to someone, so I started with twitter (Annemieke as well; archived Twitter timeline) and I send various lengthy mails to my collegues and created a thread on the Volvo-forum (login required). As a result I got support from a very large group of people, collegues, friends, family and even total strangers. The massive amount of support allowed me to keep my sanity throughout the process and gave me enough strength to be there for my son Tim.
On October 16 Annemieke was cremated. The memorial service we held before that was visited by more than 250 people. Some many people to pay a final hommage to my brave girl and to pledge their support to Tim, me and the rest of the family. I'm very sorry that I didn't have the time to talk to everybody that came. I'm also very sorry that a lot of people had to stand during the one and a half hour ceremony.
During the ceremony four videos were shown. I've uploaded these videos to youtube. Sadly enough, the music under the last film is disabled due to copyright regulations (maybe the music for the 3rd clip will be disabled as well). Film number one, a holiday film shot on the Queen Charlotte Track in the Marlbourough Sounds in New Zealand; Film number two, a clip from the NGC documentatry "The Earth from Above" and a holiday clip from New Zealand; Film number three, another holiday clip from New Zealand, shown one of the best days of our life; Film number four is a collage of pictures showing Annemieke when she was happy.
| Number | Album | Artist |
| At least we tried | Moby | 18 |
| The Sun Never Stops Setting | Moby | Play - The B-sides |
| Everloving (film #4) | Moby | Play |
| Evenstar (film #4) | Howard Shore | The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers |
| Into the West (film #4) | Howard Shore | The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King |
| Grey Havens (film #4) | Howard Shore | The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King |
| Wispering Wind (not played) | Moby | Play - The B-sides |
| Comfortably Numb (not played) | Pink Floyd | The Wall |
| Send Me An Angel (not played) | Scorpions | |
| Waiting On An Angel (not played) | Ben Harper | House M.D. |
| Hope Has A Place (not played) | Enya | The Memory of Trees |
| Streep Mijn Naam Maar Weg (not played) | Blof | Watermakers |
| May It Be (not played) | Howard Shore | The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring |
| Signs of Love (not played) | Moby | 18 |
| Remember Me (not played) | Journey | Armageddon |
The destination of Annemieke's cremated remains is still unclear. As it looks now, part of it will be placed on the grave of her mother in Kwadendamme (Zeeland) and part will be spread in along the Queen Charlotte Track in New Zealand. I'm communicating the with New Zealand authorities to see wether this is permitted.
Finally, I want to close this item with the words of thanks I also spoke at the ceremony. I do this, because without the support of everyone out there, I wouldn't have been able to cope with this turn in our lives. The words of thanks are in dutch:
Ik ben boos op de wereld.
Boos op de wereld die we zo gemaakt hebben dat mensen zoals mijn lieve Annemieke geen kans hebben op overleven, doordat we te lang moeten wachten op hulp; Doordat we de nodige medicijnen niet krijgen, omdat de aandeelhouders anders boos worden.
Ik ben boos op de wereld.
Maar die wereld, daar heb ik zelf ook aan bijgedragen. Ik heb een kans gehad om mijn ongenoegen te uiten, voordat ik met de gevolgen geconfronteerd werd en ik heb het niet gedaan.
Hoe kan ik boos zijn op de wereld,
Als ik zo veel betrokkenheid en bereidheid tot helpen zie in de mensen die Annemieke verplegen en verzorgen
Hoe kan ik boos zijn op de wereld,
Als zo veel mensen, mensen die ik vaak niet eens persoonlijk kende, mij zo veel steun hebben gegeven tijdens de ziekte van Annemieke en het verwerken van haar dood.
Hoe kan ik boos zijn op de wereld,
Als de wereld mij en Tim helpt weer overeind te krabbelen.
De wereld is eigenlijk best een mooie plaats. Hij is alleen niet perfect, maar dat veranderen we samen
